


lost on the road of writing

by uzumaki_rakku



Series: Fic Fragments [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Gen, Major character death - Freeform, Pain arc isn't PAIN arc without a reason, Post-Pain, obviously
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-18
Updated: 2018-04-08
Packaged: 2018-10-20 12:37:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 5
Words: 9,112
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10662762
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/uzumaki_rakku/pseuds/uzumaki_rakku
Summary: Drafts and fragments of in-progress stories.#1: breaking a promise. [KakaNaru, Fourth Shinobi World War divergence]#2: Luminescence - Resonance - Idée fixe [KakaNaru, post-war Hokage and ANBU]#3: apocalypse [gen, dispelling the Infinite Tsukuyomi goes horribly wrong]#4: The King and His [gen, AU with royalty]#5: But nobody came. [Pain arc divergence, lots of angst incoming]





	1. breaking a promise

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> #1: breaking a promise.
> 
> The empty seal that had once held the Kyuubi was now an invisible wound, from which the remainder of Naruto’s life-force was rapidly bleeding out. Kakashi knew for a fact that no jinchuuriki could survive bijuu extraction, and it was only a matter of time before death would claim Naruto in the same way it had claimed Kushina.
> 
> There was only one thing Kakashi could do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

>  _Intention, Sleep_ and _When your voice becomes soundless, let your actions speak_ have been edited and combined into a prologue-ish thing for a longer fic.
> 
> Some changes have been made to _Intention_ and _Sleep_ , but those are mainly to smooth out the language. Significant changes are in the last part, which is adapted from Soundless.
> 
> I'm not sure if I actually want to include everything because it seems a bit... long, but are certain part - such as the promise - that will are pretty important as they will come up later. For now, here's the draft.

_There was something they all weren't telling him._

He knew the story about some of the island's beasts having Kyuubi's chakra was false. For one thing, he knew that Killer Bee had tamed all the animals there, and for another...

The guards – all highly experienced shinobi – would not be so tense if it was a matter that simple.

And whatever that was, it was **bad.**

Naruto drew in as much nature energy as he could in that moment, and smashed out of the temple. His hitai-ate came loose with the impact and fell to the ground just as he was caught in a shadow jutsu, but those things barely registered on his mind because –

"What... what the _hell_ is this?"

Whatever he had expected to find out there, it wasn't... _this._ The sudden influx of chakra signatures – flickering and flaring and fading and _dying_ – in his moment of frozen horror was almost enough to overwhelm his Sage senses. He could almost see ghost images of people he knew and people he didn't, but despite it all nothing made any _sense_. With the chaos came a sudden feeling of déjà vu, and he _wrenched_ himself free of the binding jutsu because it was obstructing his chakra sensing and _he had to find, to check, to make sure—_

"Naruto." Firm hands landed on his shoulders, and he stopped trying to escape. "It's alright," that same voice said, calm and achingly familiar. "I'll talk to him."

"Kakashi... sensei." Naruto closed his eyes briefly, allowing himself just one moment to _feel_ the man's chakra and the proof that he was alive. He opened them again, and yellow-golden eyes stared intently at Kakashi who returned his gaze with the same deadly seriousness. "Tell me what is going on out there."

"War," Kakashi replied grimly. "Akatsuki has declared war on the entire world in order to capture the last two Jinchuuriki. A shinobi alliance has been formed in response, and now... we are at war."

Naruto's eyes narrowed. "Then why didn't _anyone_ tell me about something so important? Why is everyone else here trying to keep me out of it, to make me hide?" He flicked his gaze to the surrounding shinobi and back, well aware that the jounin's eyes tracked his – and _knew_ what he was already planning.

"You were not informed because the Five Kage knew, too well, that you would want to join the battle. They decided that the risk of your capture was too great." Kakashi paused. "Tsunade-sama ordered me to come and check on you in case you grew suspicious from the lack of communication, or tried to leave this place."

"Lack of communication, huh." A wry grin pulled at the corner of Naruto's mouth. "I know I get _really_ focused when I train, but it didn't feel quite right without you there," he said suddenly. "It was weird, I guess, to have just Yamato-taichou supervising... but things began to feel _very_ fishy when he didn't show up for so long."

"Captured," was the short reply, and he could see the tension in Kakashi's shoulders.

"By Akatsuki?"

"Not quite. Yakushi Kabuto was the one who took him, and he appears to have allied himself with that masked shinobi."

“Shit. Nobody's found him yet?"

"No. It seems like his Mokuton chakra has been used to increase the enemy's numbers. They're keeping our hands full with an army consisting entirely of the plant-like Akatsuki member's clones, and another force provided by Kabuto: shinobi revived via the Edo Tensei."

"I... see." That explained the _oddness_ of the chakras he could sense, Naruto thought, releasing his Sage chakra to clear his mind. "Is that why you're injured?"

Kakashi blinked. "Ah." He glanced down at the slash wound in his abdomen. It had stopped bleeding a while ago but still twinged, at times, even after first-aid treatment. "We ran into shinobi with kekkei genkai and Kiri's Seven Swordsmen," he admitted rather reluctantly. "You know how strong Zabuza and Haku were."

Naruto jolted at the mention of those two names. "Then—"

"But that's more than enough talk," Kakashi cut him off, firm and faintly apologetic. "You have been changing the subject, but I know what you intend to do."

 _"Are you going to stop me, Kakashi-sensei?"_ Naruto asked, blue eyes sharp and angry and determined. "Will you really put me in a cage and call it a fortress and expect me to just hide in here when everyone's risking their lives, for **_me?"_**

"If Akatsuki captures the Hachibi and Kyuubi, it would be the end and everything we've done so far would be pointless." Kakashi's voice was grim, unyielding.

"If Akatsuki kills everyone who's out there fighting this war..." Naruto's voice shook with fury and frustration. "Everything I've ever wanted and everything I've ever done and everything I've ever _learnt_ would be pointless, _damn it!"_

"If they extract the Kyuubi from you," Kakashi said slowly. "You would be... dead."

Naruto's temper exploded. "DO YOU KNOW WHAT IT WAS LIKE TO _FINALLY_ RETURN TO KONOHA AND FIND ALMOST THE ENTIRE VILLAGE DESTROYED?" He roared. "DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FELT TO SUDDENLY GAIN THE ABILITY TO SENSE CHAKRA AND THEN DISCOVER THAT HALF THE PEOPLE YOU'VE EVER KNOWN ARE _DEAD?_ DO YOU KNOW HOW IT FELT... DO YOU KNOW HOW **_I_** FELT WHEN I SEARCHED AND SEARCHED AND SEARCHED FOR YOU AND YOU JUST – you just... weren't... there." He didn't know when the tears had begun to – _he wasn't crying, damn it_ – fall and he didn't know why except it _hurt,_ and Kakashi...

"Did I ever say... that I was going to stop you?"

And Kakashi gently wiped the tears from his eyes.

"But – " he said and stopped, utterly confused now, then thought really hard about what Kakashi had been telling him all this while.

It... was nothing like what an order should have been. In fact, more than anything else it felt like some kind of roundabout _mission briefing_ or status report or something like that and it was _crazy,_ yet it made sense.

 _He wouldn't have said all that if he really wanted to_ make _me stay here,_ Naruto realised.

"Is that really okay?" he grinned crookedly, and hiccupped an awkward laugh. "You said you were on orders, after all."

"Maa~" Kakashi smiled back. "I've told you before, haven't I? You are the only person who can surpass even the Yondaime Hokage. I truly believe in that... and in you."

Warmth flooded his chest _(and, most embarrassingly, his face as well)_ and Naruto fumbled for something to say in reply. Protests rose from the other ninjas present, but they fell silent when Kakashi turned his gaze on them, his dark grey eye harder than steel and his other eye a hidden threat.

"I believe in you because you are Uzumaki Naruto who never gives up, and you are my student who has already surpassed me, and you are the shinobi who will become the greatest Hokage Konoha has ever known." Kakashi bent down to pick up the fallen hitai-ate, and Naruto thought he saw a faint flush on the tips of his sensei's ears. "As a shinobi I must do what is best for the village, but _even as a shinobi_ I do believe – I do _know_ – that you can do this." He leaned over to tie it onto Naruto's forehead. "And you will."

"I promise I will," Naruto said immediately. "I won't let you down. And if anyone comes after you for going against direct orders, I'll beat them up!"

The weight of the promise was somehow heavier than Kakashi expected, and what had only been a lingering sense of apprehension suddenly grew. "Aa," he said distantly. "It was never possible to keep you out of this war in the first place. It's too important, and _you_ are too important. So... don't charge in all alone and get yourself into something you can't handle, hmm?"

"Don't tire yourself out and collapse again, sensei." Naruto countered, making a face at him. "You're always doing that, so don't try to deny it! ...And that's why I want to go out and fight as well. Because I don't want people to die for me – I know it's impossible but I have to try – and because I want to _do_ something about all the death and suffering out there. Whatever it takes."

Kakashi suddenly felt very cold.

"I will protect Konoha and the Alliance and this world at any cost," Naruto declared, and Kakashi's heart sank.

 _At any cost_... was what he had feared the most. Because as a loyal shinobi he had always been willing to die for his village and the people he cared about, should there be a need, and he knew that Naruto would do the same. But even so...

"Kakashi-sensei," Naruto smiled at him, like he was truly happy, yet to Kakashi it felt too much like –

"Thank you."

He turned to go, and _it felt too much like goodbye._

Kakashi's hand moved of its own accord, catching Naruto's arm just before he could leave. He met the astonished blue gaze with just as much surprise at himself, and...

Could not think of anything to say.

What remained of his self-restraint was shredded by the sudden sharp silence between them. In that moment of weakness he pulled the boy—man—boy— _Naruto_ towards him, and hugged him desperately tight.

Kakashi inhaled deeply, wishing that he could remember that feeling forever, of solidness and warmth and home _,_ and wishing with gritted teeth that his arms would stop shaking as he tried to just _hold on_.

Naruto froze, and Kakashi closed his eyes to avoid seeing the other's expression, yet leant closer still.

 _"Sorry,"_ he whispered against Naruto's neck, bracing himself for the inevitable response. "You can... shove me off any time you want. Ask me to leave, and I will… leave." _(Permanently.)_

Hands trailed tentatively up along his back, crossing over to opposite sides and perhaps-maybe-almost hugging him back, then paused. "Sensei," Naruto murmured, his voice sounding surprised and vaguely thoughtful, with a hint of a smile which must surely be nothing more than over-imagination and wishful thinking. But then fingers plucked at Kakashi's sleeves, the force behind them light but certain. _"Sensei,"_ he heard Naruto repeat.

 _Let go_.

Kakashi released him.

"...What is your answer?" he finally managed, forcing himself to meet Naruto's eyes, forcing himself to ask and forcing the words out because _he had to know._ Because either or both of them could die – and as much as he wanted to violently reject even the thought of Naruto _d—_...of that happening, he knew it was not impossible.

But then Naruto smiled. "Can't tell you now," he replied, and his eyes were warm and bright. "You'll have to wait until after we win, when you're alive and safe and just _there..._ to, um, maybe carry me home again. But still..."

He surged forward without warning, one hand snaking behind Kakashi’s waist to grab a certain green book _,_ and the other hand quickly hooking a finger in Kakashi's mask.

"What do you think?" Naruto shielded their faces with _Icha Icha Tactics_ as he yanked down the cloth and leaned in, eyes closed, to catch Kakashi’s lips in a fierce, fierce kiss.

_(You idiot.)_

.

"Come back alive, Naruto," he whispered after they finally pulled away from each other, flushed and breathless. "You have too much to live for to die on the battlefield before you've even fulfilled half your dreams. And I..."

He closed his eyes.

"I don't want you to die."

Naruto breathed against his neck, and even through the cloth it felt so very warm. "I know. I promise. So don't fall unless I'm there to catch you, you hear me?"

"Mmph," he smiled. "I suppose it's only fair."

"We've probably spent too long talking," Naruto remarked thoughtfully. "Want a lift, sensei?"

He grabbed him.

"Oof – what the – Naruto! When did you get this fast – hey! _Put me down—"_

And both of them vanished in a bright yellow flash, with Naruto cackling wildly.

He'd never seen Kakashi so surprised.

* * *

Madara's chakra chains grabbed hold of the nine bijuu, and across the battlefield Kakashi felt a terrible premonition.

In that moment of distraction Black Zetsu almost managed to escape, but both himself and Minato responded instantly and the three of them were once more at a stalemate. Kakashi could clearly sense the killing intent in his sensei's chakra, and even though he felt the same frustration at being unable to help Naruto, there was something else...

A strange yet familiar sense of calm, pulling him towards the certainty of a decision he had made long ago.

And then, with a touch of déjà vu, he _knew._

Kakashi withdrew his kunai from Obito's neck and stood, eyes fixed upon the battle in the distance. He felt Minato's gaze turn to him, and smiled.

 _You don't have to worry,_ was what he wanted to say. _I'll protect him._

But then he decided that such words were unnecessary, for he already knew what he was going to do and how it was all going to end. To say any more would only be redundant.

Kakashi pulled upon his remaining chakra and vanished, trailing silver light and silent promises in his wake.

.

He saw the others falter, their scarlet chakra cloaks dissipating as the Kyuubi's golden shroud was gradually ripped away.

 _I will never give up,_ Naruto's voice echoed within his mind, and he shook his head.

 _You always push yourself too hard,_ he replied silently, even as he increased his pace in order to get there in time.

_I promised myself that I would always keep moving forward to meet you – to see you, to hear your voice, to catch you when you fall._

_But this... will be the last time._

He reached Naruto just as the Kazekage's sand rose up to support them, and caught the falling boy against his chest. It was the same as and yet also opposite of the last time, when he had found Naruto exhausted and on the verge of collapse outside their destroyed village. He had been worried back then, but the warmth against his back and Naruto's relieved utterance of his name had assured him that the boy was alright.

Now he felt so eerily cold it was terrifying, and even as Kakashi pressed the almost-lifeless body closer to himself he could hardly feel a heartbeat.

Kakashi turned, and met Gaara's worried eyes with his own calm, determined gaze. He said nothing – and once again there was no need for words, because the former jinchuuriki understood better than anyone else what his intention was. Within seconds they were transported far away from where Madara was, shielded by a wall of swirling sand.

He let himself sink to his knees so that Naruto could be laid on the ground. They were safe for the moment, yet his hands lingered upon the torn orange jacket he had grown too used to seeing. Naruto rarely looked so weakened, so vulnerable...

Kakashi sighed at his own foolishness, but allowed himself that one last luxury even as he prepared for the last jutsu he would ever use. He would fulfil what he had declared to Obito only moments ago, prove true his words with the permanence of action, and there was only one thing that pained him.

Just one.

He had hoped that somehow he would be able to stay a little longer. To stay by Naruto's side, to help him walk the difficult path he had chosen, if only for a little longer...

It was nothing more than a foolish fancy.

He almost wanted to say something, to break the silence he had fallen into since the moment he'd decided his own fate, but his voice made no sound. And he told himself that was fine, because it didn't matter whether he left any words behind as long as he did what he had promised to do.

Kakashi tried to smile, but didn't know if it worked. (He wondered if Naruto would call him a liar.)

_I will always, always protect you, but this is as far as I'll go..._

_It's enough, for me. To get to where you are... is all I have ever needed._

And yet, he suddenly realised that there was so much he had never given voice to, and he would never have the chance—

"Sen... sei..." Naruto whispered, straining to look at him.

Kakashi brushed his fingers over the young man's eyelids, gently coaxing them to close.

"Go to sleep, Naruto," and willed himself to believe that his voice did not shake. "I'll wake you up, later."

"No." The reply was firm, yet empty of Naruto's usual liveliness. "I know what you're going to do, sensei. I know."

Kakashi said nothing.

Naruto felt a warm hand patting his hair, slow and careful yet somehow... distant. Lost. Another came up over his eyes, smoothing over his eyelids again and again in gentle, desperate persuasion.

"Sleep," Kakashi murmured, and his hand only shook a little.

"I know you were watching that time when Chiyo-obaachan used her jutsu... to bring Gaara back." Naruto blinked tiredly, and wished he could see the face above. "You were watching with your Sharingan because you _knew._ You knew what she was going to do, and you knew she was going to die. And you also knew... no, you _believed_ that one day you would want to use such a jutsu as well, didn't you?" He could not move, for he had barely enough strength left to speak, but the hand covering his eyes finally slid lower and long fingers stroked lightly along his cheek.

"Naruto..." And Kakashi hated himself for not being able to protect the owner of that name, even though he had long ago realised how much it truly meant to him. "Naruto. I'm sorry... I couldn’t do anything. You... must be tired, so close your eyes and rest, Naruto." His arms slid lower to wrap around a chest which shuddered as Naruto struggled to breathe, heart weakening with every passing second.

He felt so very, very cold.

The empty seal that had once held the Kyuubi was now an invisible wound, from which the remainder of Naruto’s life-force was rapidly bleeding out. Kakashi knew for a fact that no jinchuuriki could survive bijuu extraction, and it was only a matter of time before death would claim Naruto in the same way it had claimed Kushina.

There was only one thing Kakashi could do.

"Naruto..." he whispered, slowly pulling the boy higher, closer into his embrace, and leaned down so he could still feel the weakening pulse. "Naruto. Naruto. Naruto." He spoke the name against the boy's neck, repeating it again and again almost in time to the too-slow beating of a struggling heart.

"I don’t want to sleep," Naruto said softly, cold lips brushing against Kakashi’s ear. "Not yet. Not now. Because if I close my eyes for just a second too long – " Sharp teeth nipped gently on his ear and he gasped, startled—

"You won't be here anymore… when I open them again."

Kakashi felt a pain burning in his chest and throat and eyes. He shook his head, and pressed a single soft kiss into Naruto’s golden hair.

“Don’t,” Naruto gave a choked sob, tears forming in his eyes even as the light within them began to fade. “You… promised…”

Kakashi placed his hands onto Naruto’s chest, over his heart.

“I’m sorry.”

Naruto’s eyes closed, tears falling as he drew his final breath, and a sphere of pale blue chakra formed around Kakashi’s hands.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm awful but I blame the soundtrack.


	2. Luminescence - Resonance - Idée fixe

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was nothing but a contradiction for Naruto to join the ranks of ANBU, who worked with methods so different from his own. Yet he did so anyway, on the very day Kakashi closed his eyes in resignation and stepped forward with feet that dragged, soundless, against the solidness of Konoha's grounds.
> 
> A very old half-written draft for an AU where Kakashi and Naruto really, _really_ want to swap jobs.

_ I. Luminescence _

The sole survivor of team six stumbled out of his office. Behind his desk, Konoha’s Rokudaime Hokage let his head fall back against the chair, closing his eyes, and exhaled softly.

There was a soft _swish_ of cloth as his bodyguard stepped out of wherever he had been hiding, and the door slammed shut. The Hokage cracked open one eye to see his ANBU swipe a hand across its frame, which glowed briefly with faint blue light as the seals slid into place. He then did the same for the windows, sealing off each one without even the need for hand-seals. The lights had already been switched off.

Privacy. (Yet it felt like isolation.)

The chakra glow faded quickly, and slanting rays of moonlight filtered into the room. Everything was tinged with silver, but for the shadows stretching along the cold hard floor.

“Sensei.”

He opened both eyes.

“It wasn’t your fault.”

Kakashi said nothing, only tilted his head a little as he observed the shinobi clad in full ANBU armour beneath a dark grey cloak. Feeling the other man’s gaze on him, Naruto walked closer to Kakashi’s desk, pulling off his ANBU mask in one smooth motion.

“What?” He asked with a slightly crooked smile, hooking it onto his belt. “Do I look cool in this outfit?”

The words left Kakashi’s mouth before he realised what he was saying. “You’d look better if the coat was white.”

They stared at each other.

“Er,” Naruto coughed. “I’m not supposed to be wearing a coat like this when I’m on duty, in the first place... The captains get white cloaks – um, you already know that, of course – but I’ve been working solo so of course I’m not going to get one, and while I _can_ make do with a black cloak I still prefer things with a bit more colour in them, so yeah...” he trailed off.

Kakashi rather pointedly shifted his gaze away from the rambling blond to a certain photograph on the wall. Naruto slumped forward, eyes hidden in the shadow of his bangs, and made a small noise in his throat which sounded like both a sigh and a suffocated growl.

“Are you angry?” Kakashi prodded. He knew he was half right when Naruto tensed even as his eyes flew wide in surprise.

“Maybe,” he admitted, with a half-bitter twist of the mouth. “But – “ he leaned closer, bracing an elbow on a stack of paperwork, “ – not at you.”

They stared at each other again.

“Maybe I would be, if it were anybody else, but,” Naruto repeated, “Not at you.”

Kakashi averted his eyes, confused by the intensity of Naruto’s blue gaze. “The position rightfully belongs to you – you’ve certainly earned it,” he heard himself say, distantly, and either the fatigue or the pale light which reflected everywhere must have been affecting his mind, because –

“I can give it to you, if you like.” He blinked a few times, and smiled self-deprecatingly as he slumped in his chair. “You wouldn’t have to wait long. This... _I_ was never meant to last long, in any case.” Naruto’s eyes were getting wider and wider for some reason, but he went on regardless. “I was never meant to be Hokage. I’m sure you know it.”

He found himself grabbed roughly by the shoulders and shaken once, twice, thrice, by Naruto who seemed to be trying not to yell.

“...Sorry,” Naruto finally muttered, not meeting his eyes. The ANBU vaulted over Kakashi’s table in one swift motion _(and how had he not known when Naruto_ _– even_ Naruto – _had acquired such noiseless, almost catlike grace?)_ to land in front of the Hokage and, without any warning, pulled him into a tight embrace.

“Sorry,” he said again, even as Kakashi froze. “I should have realised earlier that this – this whole thing – really is destroying you. I thought you would be fine because you’re now the _Hokage_ and everyone knows you’re... you’re _brilliant_ and absolutely dependable and everything. And you’re _Hokage._ I couldn’t...” He trailed off, shook his head vigorously, then forced himself to continue.

“I couldn’t understand it, because this position is what I’ve always always _always_ wanted and I couldn’t see how it can possibly be so... so terrible.”

He had overlooked the truth, unknowingly rejected any possibility of such a thing because just the _thought_ of a Hokage being overwhelmed by that position itself – of _Kakashi_ being slowly crushed by the duty he accepted for the village’s sake, the sheer weight of it – was incomprehensible. He had thought it impossible; it made no sense.

And yet it also did.

It did, in fact, make too much sense.

He grit his teeth, and heard a heavy sigh.

“You _are_ angry,” Kakashi said, pulling away with some reluctance. “You wouldn’t be doing _this_ – “ he inclined his head at the white-gray armour and dark coat “ – otherwise.”

It was a contradiction in and of itself, that Naruto would enter himself into the ranks of those silent, masked shinobi and kunoichi who worked with methods so different from his own. And yet he did it anyway, on the very day Kakashi closed his eyes in resignation and stepped forward with feet which dragged, soundless, against the solidness of Konoha’s grounds.

“You’re wrong,” Naruto said, and his voice was firm. “I’m doing this because I didn’t want to be angry at anyone who isn’t to blame – especially at you. Since the founding of Konoha, _five out of five_ Hokages in its history have been held in regard for their strength and their skills, and immortalised as heroes for what they have done.” He turned to stare at the photographs on the wall again, his smile bleak and bitter. “But _four out of five_ of Konoha’s past Hokages have fallen in battle, almost always alone, and... that should have _taught_ me something, at least.”

“It only shows that you won’t have to be angry for much longer, especially as I am not what Konoha needs for a leader,” Kakashi replied calmly. “And neither are you what ANBU needs. But you _are_ what Konoha needs, very much, for this position you have wanted all your life. So,” he smiled faintly, reaching out a hand. “Would you like to take it from me?”

The blond whipped around to face him, with frustration growling in his throat and a strange kind of _fear_ in his heart.

“Don’t you understand?!” Naruto asked desperately. “I’m doing this because no matter who is in what position _I still want to protect you and support you and catch you if ever you fall.”_

“You don’t have to – “ Kakashi began, startled, but Naruto cut him off with a violent shake of the head. “I _know_ you didn’t want this,” he said, when he could finally make his voice work. “But you accepted it anyway... Because it was the best for the village. And nobody seems to see the problem that _this is crushing you.”_

Kakashi opened his mouth, then closed it.

There really was nothing he could say.

“Even I hadn’t noticed it until now,” Naruto muttered, and bit angrily at his own lip. “Why hadn’t I noticed? Why hadn’t I known? I couldn’t see beyond my own dissatisfactions even though I claim I want to protect you and _how the hell_ could I not have seen all this happening when I volunteered myself to be your bodyguard in the first place and it should be my basic duty and – “

 _“Naruto,”_ Kakashi said loudly, interrupting the self-directed rant which had been going through a steady crescendo. “You’re making too much of a fuss over nothing.”

“I am _not,”_ the blond snapped back, shaking a fist at him with an angry huff. _“You’re_ the one who’s always being too hard on yourself! Don’t try to deny it, I’ve _seen_ you get increasingly pale and gloomy and _grrrrrrrrrr_ – “ Kakashi held up his hands in a placating gesture, but the aggravated young man only barrelled on, “ – and when you’re not stuck in this office you’re spending a disturbing amount of time at the Memorial! But,” he paused for breath, and seemed to calm down slightly. “But now I finally see why.”

Naruto reached forward with both hands, and carefully undid the string which held his Hokage’s coat together below the neck. “You are exhausted, sensei. You are exhausted by things which were not your fault – _never_ your fault.” He slid the coat off Kakashi’s shoulders and let it pool against the back of the chair, watching as some of the tension left the other man’s frame.

“Um,” he said, and in the dim light Kakashi could barely make out the dusky tinge of pink on his cheeks. He himself was glad for his mask, because Naruto’s hands had been very warm and—

He cut that train of thought off before it could progress any further. Naruto, he suddenly realised, was sometimes too good at distracting people – often without being aware that he was doing so, and sometimes in more ways than one.

...

Kakashi resisted the urge to groan in frustration, and wished he could blame his state of what _must_ be lunacy on the moon, which _must_ be laughing as it played tricks on his eyes and mind.

 _“Argh_ , what the hell!” Naruto exclaimed suddenly, leaping over to a window and removing the seals with a careless swipe of one hand, while his other hand somehow managed to pull off most of his ANBU equipment without removing the coat over it. “Let’s not stay cooped up here any longer, sensei. You really should get some proper fresh air, so come on!”

And with that Kakashi was dragged out into the night, and across land, building, tree and lake. As they practically flew across all of Konoha he saw everything transform into a blur of grey and silver even when seen through his Sharingan, heard the wind roar as it rushed by his ears, and felt his own pulse quicken to match the pace and power of the shinobi whose hand held his.

And when Naruto pulled him off the cliff of the Hokage Monument, Kakashi felt freer and more alive than he had ever been.

* * *

 

_ II, Resonance _

They landed, to his surprise-yet-not-quite-surprise, in absolute silence. Kakashi thought he really should protest at his current position in Naruto’s arms (which reminded him, a little uncomfortably, of the heroines – or rather, of _princesses_ – in Jiraiya’s books) but it _was_ the safest way for him to land after they took such a mad plunge. His pride should – _would_ – object, but it was...

Distracted. He felt half-dazed and half-delighted by adrenaline and danger and sudden, inexplicable freedom – not through escape, but _victory._ It felt as though they had challenged something, during the last few seconds, and together they had... won.

“You – your chakra control has improved,” Kakashi finally said, after he regained his breath.

“Thanks,” Naruto replied and released his hold, his voice a little unsteady as well. “So, sensei... Was it fun?” He smiled then, his eyes glinting strangely, and Kakashi realised _which_ side of Naruto was – no, it was both of them.

“A dance with danger and death,” he remarked, unknowingly matching that blade-sharp glint with both eyes. “What’s not to like?” He took hold of Naruto’s arm this time, and with a quick Shunshin they were back on the flat roof of the Hokage Residence.

“You feel better,” Naruto murmured, hugging him briefly around the shoulder. “But there’s still too much stress looming over your head.”

“And what about you?” Kakashi asked, tone sharp and shrewd and _just enough_ to cover the roar of his own heartbeat which thundered in his ears. “I think that little... adventure of ours was not just for my benefit, but yours too.” A pause. He tilted his head in question, but Naruto only watched him.

“I can tell that you’re not satisfied with your current situation – indeed, I would be deeply disappointed if you were.” Beneath his mask Kakashi felt the corners of his lips twitch upwards at Naruto’s look of confusion, and added, “You’ve always been full of ambitions and aspirations. And that means there is no way _you_ would give up or fall into complacency, yes?” He raised an expectant eyebrow, even though they both knew there was no need for an answer.

Naruto only blinked at the rhetorical question, wondering instead about whether Kakashi had any idea how he looked right then, and how he sounded.

He had always known that his teacher was on a level and of a calibre so very different from the others, but he had never known that Kakashi, even as Hokage, could be so...

Regal. Incomprehensibly so, for he made it look effortless.

And even so, at the same time there was something else to him which was wild yet calm, dangerous yet _safe_ , sharp yet gentle.

 _Shinobi,_ he realised. That was what Kakashi was, why he had such a presence.

And also, _Hokage._

“Naruto,” Kakashi said, pulling him out of his thoughts. (And if he liked the way Kakashi said his name, always with a touch of some meaning – _feeling_ – he couldn’t quite place, it was nobody’s business but his own.) “Tell me: what do you want? What will you do?”

“You really are very cool, sensei.” The non sequitur hopped out of his mouth like a bullfrog which boldly thought it had every right to do so.

Kakashi seemed surprised at the statement, yet there was the hint of an amused smile as though he had half-expected such a reply.

Naruto grinned. _You know me too well, sensei._

“So, uh...” He trailed off, scratching lightly at his cheek as he ducked his head in sheepishness. “What were you saying, again?”

Kakashi just looked at him, choosing to let the mild exasperation in his eyes speak for itself.

“...Gah!” Naruto exclaimed after a moment’s pause, suddenly pointing at him in a most dramatic fashion. “Don’t _do_ that, I get it from the Commander on a near- _daily_ basis! She’s always saying I don’t have enough common sense or something like that, bleh...” He grumbled and crossed his arms, an action which pulled the dark coat taut across his back and shoulders. “That was a _seriously creepy_ moment of déjà vu.”

“She hasn’t changed at all, then,” the former ANBU remarked, turning slightly so Naruto would not notice how his entire body had tensed, aching to move closer to the strength and warmth of that presence.

Wanting something – some _one_ he could not have, wanting to hold on forever and ever and never let go.

Kakashi almost wanted to laugh at how ridiculous his thoughts were becoming. They fell into a pattern he didn’t quite dare to follow, for that way lay madness. (There was a whisper in his mind, of old myths and _kitsunetsuki_ and a liquid silvery-white metal which could poison the mind...)

He slanted a glance at his former student, forcibly cutting off his train of thought, and decided to take a more direct approach.

“Why did you join ANBU?”

Blue eyes met his piercing gaze, held, and returned it with matching intensity. Naruto’s chakra stirred, brushing the air around him with the faint tinge of gold that was only just visible to his Sharingan. Kakashi felt something run lightly across his shoulder blades and along his spine, and shifted – almost a shiver. It was a phantom sensation that was barely there, barely _real,_ appearing and disappearing all in a single moment.

Naruto smiled wryly, a hint of embarrassment in the faint colour of his whisker-lined cheeks. “Well, it’s... kind of because of you, actually.” He turned to face Kakashi, who felt his pulse quicken at the focus and fervour in those blue, blue eyes. The ANBU tilted his head thoughtfully, with that half-smile still playing at his lips, and reached out a hand in invitation – an action much like yet also much _unlike_ what Kakashi himself had done earlier.

“Spar with me, sensei?” And, with the surprisingly natural grace that Kakashi was only just getting used to, Naruto slid into a starting stance.

“Hmm?” Kakashi smiled and obliged, sharp eyes immediately recognizing the style his former student was using – one that was seemingly uncomplicated yet highly versatile, fluid and elegant in its minimalism. “You’ve definitely been working hard... well then, Naruto, let’s see how far you’ve progressed. Rules?”

Naruto grinned back, thrumming with anticipation. “Pure taijutsu, I guess. Nothing _too_ dangerous or flashy – wouldn’t want to scare anyone, ne?”

“Somehow that sounds rather ominous,” Kakashi remarked dryly, and _moved._

* * *

 

_ III. Idée fixe _

“When you accepted this position, it was... well... I was just really upset, you know? But... it wasn’t any of your fault. I _knew_ that, dammit, and what’s _stupid_ about the whole situation is that it actually made me feel worse.” He paused for a moment, biting his lip. “It really hurt that I wasn’t chosen, despite everything I’ve done and everything I’ve learned. I worked really hard, sensei...”

Naruto swallowed, bitterness rising in his throat as his voice became smaller and smaller. “It’s like I wasn’t good enough. Like I’d never be good enough for anyone. Shameful, isn’t it?” He tried to laugh it off, but the sound was pathetically hollow.

“Naruto – “ Kakashi began to protest, looking pained, but the blond shook his head and went on.

“But then I sort of realised something. I realised that no matter how much it hurt, how much I wanted an outlet for my anger... I could never bring myself to blame you.” He stared straight into Kakashi’s mismatched eyes, trying to convey something he didn’t really know how to put into words. “It’s not your fault. You didn’t want this, yet you accepted it anyway – _because it was for the good of the village_.”

Naruto took his painted mask off his belt and brought it up to face him, eyes gleaming faintly in contemplation. “That’s why I decided to join ANBU, I suppose, because you taught me the true meaning of duty. It isn’t about personal desires, or strengths, or weaknesses. It’s about having the determination to do what’s _right_ and what’s _best,_ in order to protect the people and things which are truly precious.”

“It’s heavy, isn’t it, sensei?” And Kakashi found himself unable to break away from that shrewd gaze, which conveyed a level of perception and understanding so astute that it was almost frightening.

“Directive two,” he intoned softly. “To be ready and willing to sacrifice the self for the village.”

Naruto sighed, and nodded grimly. “In the line of duty, there will always be sacrifices. I know that. I’ve seen it happen, and I’ll do it if I have to. _However...”_ His eyes suddenly darkened, voice lowering to almost a growl. “Not all sacrifices are justified, or even necessary. And you happen to have a very bad habit when it comes to _self-_ sacrifice, **_Ka-ka-shi-sen-sei.”_**

Kakashi swallowed, stunned by the sudden proximity – _how had he gotten so close?_ – of Naruto’s face, fierce and angry and undeniably, dangerously beautiful.

“A-aa,” he tried to placate the younger man, thrown off-balance by the surge of emotion in his chest and desperately trying to re-orient himself. “You’re still mad about that?”

Naruto scowled at him. _“Furious,”_ he corrected, and glared at the rather nervous-looking Kakashi for a few more seconds before he finally relented. The ANBU leaned back, moving out of his Hokage’s personal space and releasing the pressure his chakra had unconsciously exerted on the air around them.

“There’s something else, I guess, which motivated me to do this.” He made a vague gesture, not bothering to go into the specifics because Kakashi knew what he was talking about – he always did. “I’ve... heard so much about the legendary _Inu_ , you know? The captain who never failed a mission and never lost a teammate – a record which none have broken.”

Naruto paused for a moment, not entirely certain of how to proceed. He watched the moonlight flit over the Hokage’s masked features, fading into half-darkness when a cloud shifted to obscure the moon. And then the words came to him – unexpected, unbidden, yet feeling as though they had always been there.

And slowly, softly, he gave them voice.

“I wanted to chase after your shadow of eleven years past.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe one day I will write the rest of this fic, lol. I already have the ending in mind, it's just the in-between part that's fighting me right now.


	3. apocalypse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was supposed to be the end of things. The final battle of the Fourth Shinobi World War had been fought, and all they had to do was to release the people whom Kaguya had taken prisoner.
> 
> The Shinjuu's cocoons unravelled, its roots and branches receding into the earth, and...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Draft of the prologue I'm writing for my NaruKaka time travel fic.
> 
> Tobirama kinda stole the show in this part, though.

 

It was supposed to be the end of things. The final battle of the Fourth Shinobi World War had been fought, and all they had to do was to release the people whom Kaguya had taken prisoner.

Naruto thought it would be the conclusion to their struggles. The resolution of their conflicts. The beginning of a different world – a happier, more peaceful world, in which people would one day truly understand one another.

He stretched out his left arm, and formed his half of the hand-seal against Sasuke's palm.

The Shinjuu's cocoons unravelled, its roots and branches receding into the earth, and then the mutated human corpses began to fall.

.

_“Lend me a Kage Bunshin.” Tobirama said, during a brief pause in the battle. “There’s something I need to talk to you about.”_

_._

On that day, the human population was reduced to four.

.

_“This is the last jutsu I invented during my lifetime, and I never had the chance to pass the knowledge on to anyone before I died,” Tobirama’s Kage Bunshin began, when they were both far away from the battlefield. “But now I’m going to entrust it to you, as you are probably the only one who can pull it off.”_

_He formed the ram seal and then placed one hand on Naruto’s head. “Although I sincerely hope you will never have to use it.”_

_“What – ” Naruto began, then blanched as information flooded his mind, crashing haphazardly into place. “Ow, ow,_ ow… _What the hell? Why would you come up with something like that? And – seriously, is_ everything _you invent a kinjutsu?”_

 _“No, just most of them,” Tobirama replied. “As for the reason… My brother was – well, he_ was _. I needed fail-safes.”_

_“But…” Naruto’s brow furrowed as he tried to think around the migraine slowly building in his head. “I don’t understand. How would you even know what you should use it for?”_

_Tobirama’s lips twisted into a grim smile. “The end of the world, I suppose.”_

.

Naruto could not breathe.

_How could this have happened?_

It was supposed to be the end of things, but instead…

.

_Naruto stared at him, shocked and a little angry. “You don’t think we’re going to win this war?”_

_“It matters not what I think will happen,” There was an eerie calm to the deceased Hokage’s demeanour as he spoke, meeting the Naruto’s wide eyes with his own piercing gaze. “I prefer to prepare for every possible outcome, however unlikely, as long as that outcome is significant in some way.”_

_“Isn’t it… kind of like running away?” Naruto asked slowly. “You’re suggesting that I give up on everything we’ve achieved, in order to – ”_

_“This isn’t intended as an escape,” Tobirama interjected testily. “Nor is it supposed to be an easy way out. It is simply an option – a plan of action for the worst possible outcome, because_ someone _always has to prepare for the worst so that we would be prepared no matter what happens.”_

_Naruto looked at him thoughtfully. “And that person was always you.”_

_“My brother calls me a pessimist, but_ I _prefer to be prepared.”_

.

Nothing could have prepared him for such an outcome.

They were supposed to have already won.

They were supposed to free everyone.

They were supposed to save the world.

_It was not supposed to end like this._

And then, distantly, he could hear someone screaming.

.

_“That wasn’t the only reason, was it?” Naruto asked, struck by a sudden realisation. “There was something else which drove you to research… this.”_

_“If you must know,” Tobirama’s voice was completely toneless. “My brother tried to martyr himself once.”_

_Naruto stared at him, taken aback by the sudden revelation. “…Why?”_

_“Because Madara asked,” Tobirama said, and for a moment Naruto wasn’t sure if the stern man was going to laugh or scream. “Told him he had to kill either me or himself, because Madara would never trust him otherwise.”_

_“And he accepted,” Naruto said, suddenly understanding._

_“He told me to **let him kill himself,”** Tobirama’s hands were clenched into fists. “Forbade me from trying to seek revenge afterwards. And he _would _have gone through with it, if Madara didn’t have a change of heart and stop him.”_

_Naruto could not think of anything to say in response to that._

_“I was powerless to do anything,” Tobirama admitted bitterly, not looking at him. “My own brother’s life, at the mercy of a madman possessed by hate. He even called Madara_ kind _, for giving him a choice.”_

_Naruto was staring at him, and something about the empathy in those eyes was achingly familiar._

_“He was willing to die without seeing his dreams come true, and expected me to fulfil them for him by working with the one who had demanded for his execution.” He didn’t know why he felt the urge to keep talking, to reveal to this boy who was practically a stranger the things he had kept buried deep within his soul._

_“And in the end, despite everything I did to protect him, he still went and got himself killed in battle, when he was supposed to – it was supposed to be – ”_

_A tense silence fell between them as Tobirama abruptly cut himself off, crossing his arms and staring steadily into the distance. He had surely said too much._

_“I understand, I think, at least a little,” Naruto said tentatively. “Both your brother’s feelings, and your own. I think I know why you invented that jutsu, now.”_

_Tobirama inclined his head slightly to acknowledge the words, but spoke no more on that intensely discomfiting topic._

_“My main body will give yours a seal that contains all the necessary information,” he said instead. “You will be able to release it, should the need ever arise.”_

_“It had better not,” Naruto said. “We’re trying to save the world here.”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I have a lot of thoughts about Tobirama.


	4. The King and His

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> _The young general received the terrible news immediately after his hard-fought victory over the northern invaders. The king and queen had been like family to him, taking him in after his father's suicide, never bearing any resentment for how the disgraced former general had cost them a critical victory in the last war._
> 
>  
> 
> _"What happened to the prince?" he asked urgently, and his heart stopped for a moment when the messenger shook his head._

It began like any other story: with a hero thrown into a mess.

A great tragedy had befallen the land. The king and queen were dead, killed in a terrible accident, leaving one person who could inherit the throne: their only child, a young prince who had only just reached his tenth birthday.

There was absolute chaos. The government fractured into factions which fought against one another for power, and the prince was forced to flee for his life as everyone sought to either kill him or control him before he could ascend the throne.

Only a few noble clans remained entirely neutral in the power struggle. One of the oldest clans took the prince in and gave him sanctuary, much to the delight of the six-year-old clan heir who followed him around talking a mile a minute. But before long, word had gotten out about the prince's location, and he chose to leave before he could bring disaster upon the household that had so kindly given him shelter.

"You really don't have to leave," the elderly clan head told him, but the prince was resolute.

"I've already lost my family," he said. "I can't cost him his."

The old man sighed sadly, but nodded his head. "Where will you go?"

The prince reached inside the collar of his shirt and pulled out a slender chain, upon which hung a small object glowing with a familiar, silvery-white light.

A pendant, crafted from the fragments of a legendary blade.

The elder drew in a deep breath. "I thought it was completely destroyed," he said.

The prince smiled. "I kept a piece," he replied, slipping the necklace back inside his clothes and pulling on a hood to hide the distinctive colour of his hair. "Thank you for letting me stay here. I'll be back when it's all over, I promise."

And with that he left, slipping out from a secret passageway before his pursuers could bring an army down upon them, and fading like a shadow into the night.

.

The young general received the terrible news immediately after his hard-fought victory over the northern invaders. The king and queen had been like family to him, taking him in after his father's suicide, never bearing any resentment for how the disgraced former general had cost them a critical victory in the last war.

"What happened to the prince?" he asked urgently, and his heart stopped for a moment when the messenger shook his head.

"His Highness is missing. Some suspect that he may be dead, and an emergency government has been formed in the capital. They're calling for you to return immediately - "

"No."

The messenger stared at him. "Sir?"

"We will not be returning to the capital just yet," he said, swiftly gathering up his things and shooting a quick look at the guards, who stepped forward to escort the messenger out. "Please convey my sincere apologies to the ministers for the delay."

"But, sir," the messenger protested weakly, aghast at being made the bringer of terrible news. "How am I supposed to explain this to them?"

"Tell them I got lost on the road of life," was all the general said in reply.

He strode out of the command tent, his subordinate officers immediately going alert and gathering around him, sharp and attentive despite their exhaustion.

"I'm sorry to ask this of you, but we need to move," he said shortly. "The King and Queen are dead, and the Prince is missing." He paused to let the news sink in, watching as shock and dismay rippled across their expressions before being replaced with stoic professionalism.

They were very good soldiers. He had trained them well.

"The royal line is down to a single heir," the general continued. "He may be a child, but he is still the only one who can stabilize the kingdom in its current state of chaos. It is our duty to protect the rightful king."

His hand drifted to the unusually-shaped knife at his side, a gift from the previous king on the young general's thirteenth birthday.

"I need to find the Prince before he is taken hostage, or worse, assassinated," the general declared, his odd-coloured eyes glinting with grim determination. "And I need people with me, because it won't be easy and I can't do it alone."

He surveyed the gathered crowd as he spoke, briefly meeting the eyes of each person in turn. "However, there is something you need to know: should we fail in our mission, there is no escaping the consequences. History is written by the victors, and whichever faction wins out in the end will have us go down as traitors, our names disgraced forever."

A faint smile of self-deprecation, concealed by the mask on his face.

"I stopped caring about such things many years ago, but I understand that some of you may not feel the same way. You may also have concerns about how your families will be affected. So, if anyone would like to back out, now is the time to do so."

He waited, but not a single one of them moved.

The young general drew in a deep breath, released it slowly, then took in another before issuing a rapid-fire chain of orders.

His soldiers were brave, resilient and loyal, ready to follow him into even the direst of situations. He was proud of them.

* * *

_to be continued_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HELLO. I SAID I WASN'T GOING TO WRITE THIS AU. BUT I AM WRITING IT. SELF WHY.
> 
> Please PM me if you would like to join the KakaNaru Discord channel! We'd love to have more people around ^^
> 
> P. S. I often share my fic drafts / fic ideas on Discord to get some feedback while I work on my fics. ;)


	5. But nobody came.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m sorry,” Nagato had said to him. “I tried.”
> 
> He’d felt a strange numbness in the tips of his fingers at those words, even though he had not known what they’d meant.

_ Is Kakashi-sensei away on a mission outside the village? _

_... _

_...I see… _

.

Pain - no, Nagato was dead.

It was a strange feeling, to go from hating your enemy to sympathizing with them, all in the span of a few hours. So many things had happened in that time, and so much had changed…

He had been confused and even doubtful at first when Nagato sought redemption in sacrifice. He still dared not believe what had happened, despite what Katsuyu had told him - he need to see it for himself, to see  ~~ him ~~ everyone alive again.

There was something Nagato had said which made him uneasy.

Something had happened just as the man was about to end his resurrection jutsu, and he had raised his head to look at Naruto with eyes full of deep sadness and regret.

_ “I’m sorry,” _ Nagato had said to him.  _ “I tried.” _

He’d felt a strange numbness in the tips of his fingers at those words, even though he had not known what they’d meant.

The forest was strangely quiet as he slowly made his way back. His feet were like lead and dragged in the ground as he walked, pausing every few steps to brace himself against a tree. He wondered if the village would be just as silent, like it had been when he had arrived upon the scene of disaster.

Sage Mode would give him the answer to all his questions. He knew he had not the chakra for it, and yet he had to try...

Naruto closed his eyes for only a moment, but he was already falling.

The impact of hitting the ground sent a jolt of pain through his entire body. He let himself lie there for minutes that felt like eternities, squeezing his eyes shut to hold back the hot, angry tears that threatened to spill forth.

He had hoped someone would come.

The numbness was spreading. He could feel it in his limbs as he pushed himself up inch by inch, holding on to the tree trunk with a grip so tight he could feel his fingernails digging into the bark.

There was blood on his mouth. A split lip, from when he had smashed his face into the ground. He ignored it and continued walking.

He wished someone would find him, for the wait was unbearable. Katsuyu had been silent since they left the false tree where Nagato and Konan had concealed themselves, preoccupied with passing information to her divisions and telling him nothing. There was nothing to do but to continue walking… and while he dared not believe, he hoped that he would finally meet with someone when he was nearing the village.

But nobody came.

.

The noise of the joyful village was almost deafening after the silence of the forest. The villagers cheered upon his arrival, rushing forward to thank him and welcome him back. His heartbeat quickened.

_ If they’re all alive, then… _

“I told them everything that happened,” Katsuyu said quietly.

He was saved from being overwhelmed by the crowd when Sakura made her way through. He stepped forward to greet her, but the words died upon his lips when he saw her stricken expression.

She had been crying.

He felt suddenly very cold. The numbness was spreading again, creeping up his arms into his neck, his chest, and settling into a peculiar feeling in the pit of his stomach.

“Sakura-chan,” he began hoarsely, voice cracking as he forced the words out. “Where’s Kakashi-sensei?”

.

He did not cry until he saw the body.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBC


End file.
